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Everything happens for a reason

If you know me, you know that I am a firm believer in the phrase "Everything happens for a reason." To believe in this, I went through the absolute worst thing a parent can go through. I buried my son. Jacob was 6 hours old when his tiny lungs stopped working followed by his little heart. We went through two months of testing before being told two weeks before he was born, that he would die. I had never even heard of Trisomy 18 before. He weighed 4 lbs 1 oz, less than half of what his two year old sister weighed. The days after were just horrible. His funeral was unbearable. I was angry at God. I was angry at myself. I felt so alone. In a twisted way, I was so glad to have my mom who understood what I was going through. She lost her 8 year old son to a careless teen driver before I was born. If Brian hadn't been killed, my parents never would have adopted me. I wouldn't have had my mom to help me through the loss of my own son.

Everything happens for a reason.

Jacob taught us to live every day to the fullest. He taught us that life is short. I've learned that worrying, fighting and being angry with loved ones is a waste of precious time.

Exactly one year and one week after Jacob was born, our second daughter came into our lives. Rachelle is one of the sweetest girls I know. She has such an incredibly big heart, loves kids, loves animals and is so passionate about so many issues. She started the SADD club at her high school, does charity walks, has stood up for kids being bullied and is an amazing sister and daughter. If Jacob had lived, Rachelle wouldn't be here.

Everything happens for a reason.

Over the last nineteen years I have talked with many, many women who have lost babies. They, too, felt alone. Thanks to the Internet (which wasn't around when I lost Jacob) I have been able to connect with other mommies of angels and offer them some comfort. I've let them know that they are not alone. I've assured them that the pain will ease and let them know that it never goes away. I believe that Jacob was brought into my life to teach us the things I mentioned above and to give me the ability to help others.

My biological mother was fourteen when she had me. She didn't agree with my belief that everything happens for a reason when she met me. She didn't think it was fair what she went through. It wasn't fair. But she was able to give my parents an amazing gift- me- to help them heal. To save my grandma's life. She slowly began to understand and that we can't choose what happens to us. We can only choose how we live our lives afterward.

We will never know exactly what God's plan is when we suffer through losses, illnesses, grief and pain. But we can learn from our experiences and share them with others. We can choose to live our lives in a more positive light and not get caught up in things we cannot change.

The inspiration for this blog post came from a thread from a mom who was seeking prayers and strength as she coped with the ten year anniversary of the loss of her son who was born at 24 weeks. I was able to offer her comfort as were the many other women who have been in her shoes.

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